The past year...

It's been almost one year since my dad joined the Lord.
And since that day, life has been crazy. and nothing like I ever expected.

I used to think I knew exactly how my life would go:
-Columbia College, graduate with a degree in Psychology.
-move to KC, MO.
-marry a pastor (and I even knew who).
-get deeply involved in counseling girls who needed to see Jesus as Daddy.
-start a family.
-travel with my preacher husband (and our family) around the world, sharing the gospel with the blind and lost


Wow, that plan got screwed over, pardon my language.

So, was that God's plan for me? Did I screw it up? I know He uses all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, but did He not plant those desires deep in my heart?
And what now? If that was His plan, I royally left it in the dust. But could His plan have changed? Or was that ever His plan at all?
Just food for thought.


I know He brought the man who is now my husband into my life at that time for a reason. I know He will use our marriage for mighty things, and He will bless our darling little boy.
I know we will be happy and we will persevere through whatever trials will come our way.

I miss Daddy so much. I wish I could be with him so much.
I was watching the Cardinals game last night, and I reached for my phone to call him because I was SO mad that we gave up a 3-run lead in the last 2 innings. Then I realized, he wouldn't answer.

The day before he died, we had lunch together for the last time. We went to a Mexican restaurant, of course. As we ate our chile rellinos, we talked about the Cardinals, boys, classes, stupid professors. We talked about Mardi Gras and all the wonderful experiences we'd shared together, and our plans to go the next February.
He got serious for a minute and asked if he had been a good father. I sat in shock for a second, and answered, "Yes, of course. I know we haven't always gotten along and were impatient with each other, but yes, you are a good father."
He asked if there was anything he could do to be better, and I said no. God had worked through our differences and through our bitterness toward each other and restored our relationship.
As we walked to our cars, he pulled me into a big hug and told me how much he loved me.

That was the last time I ever saw him alive. That night, he and my mom were looking to buy Cardinal tickets for my 19th birthday present.

Who knew.

After that I went into complete shock. For a couple months, I just went through the motions. Class, hang out with friends, class again, maybe eat something (most likely not), go home, fight with Mom and Kyle, go back to campus and hang out with friends, maybe have a drink or two, go home and crash. Wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

Then I met an amazing man who made me smile again. We did things that were fun. go to the park, swing, go out for ice cream, watch funny movies, go to campus events, play video games, tell jokes, take silly pictures. Suddenly there was a ray of sunshine in my life.
Our infatuation grew to a deep respect and, dare I say, love for one another.
Several months later, a plus sign showed up on that little piece of plastic. and another adventure ensued.

This led to lots of anger, bitterness, disappointment, and confusion in my family. Especially after Jer proposed.
But God poured out His grace and fixed relationships, and created a new family.

I missed Daddy so much on my wedding day. It just felt empty somehow. I had my brother and my grandfather walk me down the aisle, but I still somehow expected him to be there.
I always expect him to be there.
When I go to my mom's house and see his truck, I still think "Wow, he must've gotten off early!" But when I walk up the driveway, I remember the event that happened right there a year ago. and my heart stops for a second.

I know God will bring us through and God will give us joy through our little miracle of Riley David Schneider, but I know I'll expect Daddy to be there on that day too. I want him to be there. His first grandchild...


We'll see where this next year will take us. I know God will lead the way.